Please Hammer, Don't Disgruntle Them...

Last Thursday, at approximately 9:02 PM, I gave M.C. Hammer a pat on the back.

I had been checking out the Washington Post online, scrolling past their "news" ("Sen. Larry Craig blows a hyena in the high desert of Idaho") to get to the Sports section (which is very good). As I clicked on the Sports section, I caught a quick glimpse of a picture on the left hand side of M.C. Hammer, under the "City Guide - Going Out Guide" section. Confused, intrigued, and convinced I read it wrong, I clicked back on my browser, and clicked on the City Guide.

"M.C. Hammer, still Too Legit To Quit, in a FREE show at the Woodrow Wilson Center"

Holy shit! M.C. Hammer?!?! FREE?!?!?!

(Now understand - it was the combination of those two things that made me excited. While I had once paid $35 to see Vanilla Ice at the House of Blues in Myrtle Beach, I'm not sure I'd shell that out for the Rev. Hammer.)

I called the Disgruntled Girlfriend, who exclaimed, "That's awesome!" Apparently, I didn't need to ask her thoughts on going. She also mused, "I wonder what kind of people are going to show up to this thing. Probably 1/3 hardcore fans, 1/3 people like us going for the nostalgia/kitch factor, and 1/3 religious fanatics hoping he plays nothing but gospel." That was a good point - we couldn't figure out if M.C Hammer or Rev. Hammer was going to show up.

So we arrived at the show, which was held outdoors, about an hour early. Our thought was, I mean, it's M.C. FUCKING HAMMER, so it'll get real packed real quick.

Then we saw that we were one of about 10 people there. So we went across the street and grabbed a couple of beers.

By the time we got back, it had picked up a bit, but was still sparser than I thought. I began to think, "Damn, this is really embarassing for the man who married Corey Feldman to his current wife." But the square soon filled up nicely with people, and my worries proved unfounded.

After a strange African-American Spice Girls opening act, and after an unfortunately long delay (during which time some shitty DJ from WPGC named "Shaq in the Pack" apparently thought we were all there to see him), the man, the legend, the Hammer came out on stage. He was looking gangsta-hard (think "The Funky Headhunters").




He kicked out all the classics (it was M.C., not Rev. Hammer, in action): Too Legit, Pumps and a Bump (the second song he did!!), Can't Touch This, Pray, Oaktown, and some old school Hammer tracks from his first album like Turn This Mutha Out. He did the Hammer dance, and he and his backup dancers showed they still had the same early 90's moves that made him famous. At one point (before "Pray"), he devised a solution to the Middle East crisis ("You've got to pray, just to end all the socioeconomic concerns and fanatical Islamic rhetoric that is fueling a general hatred of the West and leading to suicide bombings, homicide bombings, and a general instability in the region...today.") He did not wear "Hammer pants," but they were relatively baggy and gave much the same effect. And we were like 10 feet away from him. Awesome.



Finally, he ended his show by coming out into the audience. It was at this point that two things happened:

1.) I forgot to turn my flash back on my camera, leading to several blurry pictures of Hammer 2 inches in front of me;

2.) I patted Hammer on his sweaty back.

It's not often that something comes along that is so monumentally can't miss that you...well...can't miss it. The free M.C. Hammer show last Thursday was just such an event. Surreal, high-energy, and too legit to quit. Here comes the Hammer.



(By the way, if these pictures come out dark on your computer, just adjust the brightness - it looks great on my home computer, not great on my work computer. Trust me, it's worth it to see Gangsta Hammer in action.)