Random

So I'm reading War and Peace, by a Russian fellow named Leo Tolstoy. The version I'm reading (Oxford World's Classics, translated by Louise and Aylmer Maude) is about 1300 pages long. I mentioned to my boss (government boss) today that I'm attempting to read this book, and his response was, "What? Why? There's too many characters in that! You should just watch the movie!" If he thinks the book is long and tedious, how long and tedious would the movie be?!?!? Anyway, I'm on page 129, and the library book is due on April 8. By my calculations, I have to read 97.58 pages every day (starting tomorrow) in order to finish the book by the due date. I'm thinking I'll probably end up renewing it at least a couple times. I'm not only disgruntled, I'm pretty busy (and lazy) as well.

Speaking of which, there was a time when I used to post something nearly every day. Well, since I've switched job sites, I've gone from doing almost no work and having my own private office, to being swamped with work (albeit very interesting work) and working in a cubicle open to a very high traffic area. I can't post at work like I used to, and I especially can't post YouTube videos or other NSFW material. Big Brother is watching me in a big way - sometimes my cursor even moves on its own! So, anyway, that's my explanation for that.

Finally, two nights ago I went to see The Presidents of the United States of America at the 9:30 Club here in DC, with a friend of mine that I've known since before PUSA was even around. They were, as expected, incredibly fun, and put on one of the better shows I've been to. Afterwards, my friend (The Disgruntled Soldier, in case you were wondering) and I started talking about how crazy it was that we just saw a band that we would have loved to have seen back in 1995. A couple months ago, I saw Blind Melon at the State Theatre in Falls Church (new lead singer, of course), and it was both bizarre and very fulfilling. Anyway, so it got us thinking - what other bands would it be somewhat surreal to see, in the same manner that PUSA and Blind Melon (who were awesome live, btw, the new lead singer is enough like Shannon Hoon, and enough not like him, to make him a perfect new lead singer) was. Here's a partial list of the bands we came up with: Toadies, Collective Soul, Soundgarden, Stone Temple Pilots, Crash Test Dummies, Coolio, Candlebox, Cracker. Man, it'd be crazy to see those guys live, kicking it like it was 1995. They could be introduced onstage by Dan Cortese! (Sorry, for the younger readers, this is Dan Cortese. Yes, it's true, even Dan Cortese has his own Wikipedia page. Here's a page with his picture.)

Finally finally, for those of you wondering about the screenplay for "Slumlord," I've got a very detailed full outline completed, and 12 pages of the actual screenplay written. My goal is to have a complete first draft by the end of April. Let me know if you want me to write you into the movie.

Gee! Disgruntled out.

Obama's Chief Concern: That The World Finds Out He Had A Boring Spring Break

So, here's the thing: you may have heard that the passport records of Barack Obama, Hillary Clinton, and John McCain were recently accessed inappropriately by State Department contractors. Barack Obama (whose advisor happens to be these guys' EMPLOYER!!) has predictably exhibited faux outrage and blah blah blah Bush administration bad mmhhnnnn!!!

Oh wait, that's not the thing, that's the background.

Here's the thing:

I think I actually might know one of the guys involved in this affair, and I don't mean Hillary Clinton. Thing is, I used to work with someone who's now over in that office working for one of the companies mentioned, and, well, the thing is...

That line of work is a little boring.

I know this because I used to be (and as of a month and a half ago am currently) a State Department contractor. There tends to be the occasional downtime, and the occasional temptation to fuck around on the various databases available to us (for work purposes). I can neither confirm nor deny that people do things like, oh, I dunno, look up crazy ex-girlfriends on the databases (not passport). That would just be unprofessional.

So, Barack Hussein, here's the deal - rather than getting all up in arms over some bored contractor doing something that is clearly inappropriate, but in no ways political (trust me, if it's who I think it is, they are not doing any favors for the Bush administration), why don't you focus on more pressing matters. Like this!

And that's the gee truth!

This Is Just What The Robots Wanted Us To Believe...

Did he also program the robot to write a suicide note, laying the blame on himself and not the "mindless" robot? Right.

The first casualty in what will be a long war. Hide your medication, old people!!

(Alternate blog entry title: "Dr. Kedorkian")

From The Times Online...

Man, 81, kills himself with shot from 'suicide robot'
By: Fran Yeoman

An elderly man has killed himself by programming a robot to shoot him in the head after building the machine from plans downloaded from the internet.

Francis Tovey, 81, who lived alone in Burleigh Heads on the Australian Gold Coast, was found dead in his driveway.

According to the Gold Coast Bulletin, he had been unhappy about the demands of relatives living elsewhere in Australia that he should move out of his home and into care.

Notes left by Mr Tovey — who was born in England — revealed that he had scoured the internet for plans before constructing his complex machine, which involved a jigsaw power tool and was connected to a .22 semi-automatic pistol loaded with four bullets. It could fire multiple shots once triggered remotely.

At 7am on Tuesday he set the robot up in the driveway of his £450,000 house and activated it.

His notes suggested that Mr Tovey chose to kill himself in the driveway because he knew there were workmen building a new house next door who would find his body.

The scheme worked, as carpenter Daniel Skewes heard gunshots and ran to Mr Tovey's home. "I thought I heard three shots and when we ran next door he was lying on the driveway with gunshot wounds to the head," Mr Skewes told the GCB.

A neighbour, who did not want to be named, told the newspaper that Mr Tovey had lived at his home on Gabrielle Grove since 1984. "He was a really marvellous man, an ideal neighbour and I will miss him greatly," she said.

"He was born in England, like I was, and we used to enjoy our tea together. He had visitors from England and family interstate from somewhere far away in Australia.

"There was no inkling of anything amiss, it is just very sad."