Obama's Chief Concern: That The World Finds Out He Had A Boring Spring Break

So, here's the thing: you may have heard that the passport records of Barack Obama, Hillary Clinton, and John McCain were recently accessed inappropriately by State Department contractors. Barack Obama (whose advisor happens to be these guys' EMPLOYER!!) has predictably exhibited faux outrage and blah blah blah Bush administration bad mmhhnnnn!!!

Oh wait, that's not the thing, that's the background.

Here's the thing:

I think I actually might know one of the guys involved in this affair, and I don't mean Hillary Clinton. Thing is, I used to work with someone who's now over in that office working for one of the companies mentioned, and, well, the thing is...

That line of work is a little boring.

I know this because I used to be (and as of a month and a half ago am currently) a State Department contractor. There tends to be the occasional downtime, and the occasional temptation to fuck around on the various databases available to us (for work purposes). I can neither confirm nor deny that people do things like, oh, I dunno, look up crazy ex-girlfriends on the databases (not passport). That would just be unprofessional.

So, Barack Hussein, here's the deal - rather than getting all up in arms over some bored contractor doing something that is clearly inappropriate, but in no ways political (trust me, if it's who I think it is, they are not doing any favors for the Bush administration), why don't you focus on more pressing matters. Like this!

And that's the gee truth!