So I reposted the ad for the loft room in the place I tried to sell this summer, and, predictably, received several hilariously bad responses. Here's a smattering (I've bolded the best parts)...
Hi,>Am Joseph,26,I am self employed...i work as an affliate partner of the computer associates - sales/marketing . I love travelling, >sporting and enjoy meeting new people.I am cool headed and easy going person with no criminal record.its a great pleasure to inform you that im highly interested in renting the place before i return back to states. i'm currently out of states now,working as a volunteer health worker...currently in the United state for hiv/aids awareness program.But i need the place before i return to states.tell me more about the >place:full description of the place, size, and the equipments in there,the rent fee per month plus the utilities, parking space,the total cost for the my initial move as in first month rent and if i can make advance payment to show commitment(one month rent plus utilities).I will also be coming with some of my furniture&electronics,if allowed. i will appreciate if you can get me the place pics and yours if available.please try and be honest & sincere with me because you know i'll not be able to check it out in person.when is the place will be available?If your is still available,please e-mail me
[Commentary: I forgot to put in my ad that I wanted a "cool-headed" person, so I'm glad "Joseph" mentioned that. Also, I'm pretty sure the scheme he's working constitutes a criminal act??]
Hello Roomie,How was ur day? I hope you are having a wonderful day. Thanks for getting back to me. My name is Melina Crawford I am writing just to confirm if you still have the room for rent. I will like to have the description of the room, size, and the equipments in there. Lastly, I will like to know more about you and also I will like to have your pics as for me to know how my roommate to be looks like. I will like to have the rent fee per month plus the utilities. Also I will like to know if there is any garage or parking space cos I will have my own car come over. I will also be coming with some of my furniture, that is if the room is not funished and if furnitures are allowed, like bed, book shelf cos I read alot, shoe rank etc. I will also like to ! know i! f I can make an advance payment ahead my arrival that will be stand as a kind of commitment that I am truely coming over and for you to hold the room down for me. I will like to know the total cost for the my initial move as in first month rent and if you accept deposit. Here is all I can say about my self for now. I am 26 years old female and I work full time, Monday through Friday and have weekends off exept for once a month. I was born in Ft. Worth, Texas, but I was brought up in Phoenix, AZ, I moved to West african 4month ago after the death of my father, Am a proffessional fashion designer but presently in West Africa (Nigeria) for a program which will be ending soon. It is very interesting to get more knowledge about the new countries, new people and traditions. It's great to have such a possibility. I work in a fashion home as a designer director. I am not really a sports person, BUT I do love Hockey Games. I am a very out going person and fun to be with. I do play the organ and piano,, and I do have BOTH piano and organ here at my house.I am not a drinker and I don't smoke and I don't do drugs. I think you will like living here and YES I would like to go out with you onweekends and weeknights when we are both free.I like going to movies,, concerts ,, plays,,I like camping, hiking, bike ridding, swimming, and I love to travel. I am a very dedicated individual who is totally committed to human development, friendly, very trustworthy and value relationship above anything.I love travelling,sporting and enjoy meeting people around the world.I am an easy going person and like to have an apartment/roommate or Studio who is very responsible and understanding, someone I can! really get along with. I will take my time to get you one of my pics in my next email ,so you can know how I look like, I am sure you will like me. I am presently in CALABA STATES, NIGERIA, and I will be moving to the state to fully to start a new life and get my own business. I will be staying in your apartment for a A YEAR or More or less depending on how the lease is draw I will be arriving to the states as soon as possible......Fortunately, I saw your advert and I amsincerely interested in the room as advertised to arrange for you to get the money prior for my arrival as the company client I worked in the states for before I quit wants to arrnage for the payment. As I will like to make an advance payment ahead my arrival so that you can be rest assured that this is real since I am not in the state presently. If you think I will be agood roommate to you and you! are interested in roomie with meThanks and have a good time.Warmest RegardsMelina Crawford
[Commentary: Where to begin? First off - this represents about the 20th email I've received from "Melina Crawford" in the past year and a half. She's really hard-up for a place! Second, notice the similarities between these two emails ("equipments"). Third, what is a "shoe rank"? Fourthly, I'm glad I will like living here. Fifthly, I'm not sure how much longer I can "hold the room down" - it's pretty feisty!! And finally, she plays the organ and piano, HAS an organ and piano, and is totally committed to human development?!?! SOLD!!!!]
I should ask Melina for her picture, I wonder what she would look like....[HINT: see two posts below!]
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