Speaking of old video games, this is in the latest Onion. NBA Jam was awesome.
NBA Referees Turn Off 'Goaltending,' 'Out-Of-Bounds,' Turn On 'Unlimited Turbo' For Conference Finals
May 17, 2007
NEW YORK—In addition to their decision to allow goaltending and out- of-bounds for the duration of this year's NBA Conference Finals, NBA referees announced yesterday that players will also be permitted to use their Unlimited Turbo option, a feature that allows them to deliver high-powered defensive shoves, makes it so they never have to expend any energy, and gives them the ability to perform helicopter- style dunks from as far back as the half-court line at all times without waiting to power up. "We're really going to go with a 'let them play' approach this year—for instance, to open things up a little more, all games will be two-on-two, players will be officially 'On Fire' after making three shots in a row, and in the event the Bulls or Suns advance, they will be allowed to play alongside their respective mascots," said NBA referee Dick Bavetta, adding that players will also be given the option to let their heads expand to many times their usual size and to play alongside former U.S. president Bill Clinton. "This is going to be a pretty fun and addictive conference finals." NBA analyst Steven A. Smith stated that Cleveland's tandem of Mark Price and Brad Daugherty "doesn't stand a chance" against Detroit's Isiah Thomas and Bill Laimbeer.
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