Women's Rights!

(Thx "Homeslice")

HAPPY WEDNESDAY (AND HAPPY HALLOWEEN)

Completely Expected

NC State 29, UVA 24

The good thing about being a Virginia football fan is that these losses are not in the least bit shocking or surprising. It helps to numb the pain of losing to a (previously) 2-5 team that hadn't beaten an ACC opponent in 9 straight games. Way to Groh, Al. ACC Coach of the Year!!

Still, it could have been worse. We could have lost on a play like this...

Oh, right, I have a blog...

So, I met with my new realtor yesterday, having secretly fired my old realtor (secretly because he doesn't know - or probably care - that he's been fired). The new one used to work with my dad and now does real estate full time. It's been lucrative for her, but, like anyone who's dabbled lately, she's pretty bitter about the state of things right now. Basically, exactly what I'm looking for in a realtor. Also, she came prepared with research and marketing materials for whenever I decide to try to sell one or both of my places again. Her commission is a little higher, but I've already learned that you get (or don't get) what you pay for (or don't pay for).

After exchanging pleasantries and catching up with my dad, she got right down to her market outlook, specifically for my two houses. In a word, the market is: shit. But, that's fine, it's what I expected to hear and a lot better than the smoke my old realtor was blowing up my ass about being able to sell my house for $50K above market. Her advice was basically to re-do my W-4 employment worksheet so I'm getting less taxes taken out of my paycheck. Also, she recommended refinancing one or both of my houses. Helpful, because Countrywide is suddenly all over that. In fact, I just got an email today specifically offering to refi my accounts at no cost to me.

Therefore, my new strategy is to do both of these things and, as she suggested, wait it out. This might mean waiting it out until 2009. I hate bleeding money (though the two above acts might halt or lessen that), I hate being a landlord (no help there), I hate the plague of plagues heaped upon my houses each month, and I hate that these two houses tie me to this place and this job until I can get rid of them. But, the alternatives (short sell, foreclosure, burn to the ground for insurance money...wait, you didn't read that last one) aren't much better.

So, the Disgruntledness continues! Huzzah!

In other news:

-Turns out $150,000-aires are the new millionaires!! Keep those incentives for bettering ourselves financially coming, boys!

-To be fair, this was the second part of his Make-A-Wish wish. (Seriously, though, how are pit bulls still legal? Does it ever end well when one owns them?)

-Naked sleepwalkers in hotels!! That reminds me of something, but I can't quite remember what...

-The Onion predicts the future!!

-And finally, a tip o' the hat to Tom Brady, who has single-handedly saved not one, but two of my fantasy football seasons. Thanks, Tom, I'd gladly watch you shower anytime you wanted.

GILF

This lady rules. As an aside, my Comcast-provided internet is not working (I'm "borrowing" a neighbor's unsecured line), not that that colors my opinion of this...

From Yahoo!...

Woman fined for hammer fit at Comcast

BRISTOW, Va. - She was fined and got a suspended jail sentence, but Mona Shaw says she has no regrets about using a hammer to vent her frustration at a cable company.

"I stand by my actions even more so after getting all these telephone calls and hearing other people's complaints," she told The Associated Press in an interview Friday.

Shaw, 75, and her husband, Don, say they had an appointment in August for a Comcast technician to come to their Bristow home to install the company's heavily advertised Triple Play phone, Internet and cable service.

The Shaws say no one came all day, and the technician who showed up two days later left without finishing the setup. Two days after that, Comcast cut off all their service.

At the Comcast office in Manassas later that day, they waited for a manager for two hours before being told the manager had left for the day, the Shaws say.

Shaw, a churchgoing secretary of the local AARP branch, returned the next Monday — with a hammer.

"I smashed a keyboard, knocked over a monitor ... and I went to hit the telephone," Shaw said. "I figured, 'Hey, my telephone is screwed up, so is yours.'" [ed. note: Fuck that's a great quote!)

Comcast Corp., the nation's largest cable company, disputes Shaw's version of its customer service record and calls Shaw's hammer fit on Aug. 20 an "inappropriate situation."

"Nothing justifies this sort of dangerous behavior," Comcast spokeswoman Beth Bacha said.

Police arrested Shaw for disorderly conduct. She received a three-month suspended sentence, was fined $345 and and is barred from going near the Comcast offices for a year.

The Shaws did eventually get phone and television service — with Verizon and DirecTV.

She said many people have called her a hero. "But no, I'm just an old lady who got mad. I had a hissy fit," she said.

And the Lord Sayeth...

The Hillary Clinton Health Care Plan

From CNN.com

Brits resort to pulling own teeth

LONDON, England (CNN) -- Some English people have resorted to pulling out their own teeth because they cannot find -- or cannot afford -- a dentist, a major study has revealed.

Six percent of those questioned in a survey of 5,000 patients admitted they had resorted to self-treatment using pliers and glue, the UK's Press Association reported.

England has a two-tier dental care system with some dentists offering publicly subsidized treatment through the National Health Service and others performing more expensive private work.

But more than three-quarters of those polled said they had been forced to pay for private treatment because they had been unable to find an NHS dentist. Almost a fifth said they had refused dental treatment because of the cost.

One respondent in Lancashire, northern England, claimed to have extracted 14 of their own teeth with a pair of pliers. In Liverpool, one of those collecting data for the survey interviewed three people who had pulled out their own teeth in one morning.

"I took most of my teeth out in the shed with pliers. I have one to go," another respondent wrote.

Others said they had fixed broken crowns using glue to avoid costly dental work.

Valerie Halsworth, 64, told British television's GMTV she had removed seven of her own teeth using her husband's pliers when her toothache became unbearable and she was unable to find an NHS dentist willing to treat her.

Halsworth admitted that the first extraction had been "excruciatingly painful." But she added: "It got that painful that I just had to do something... When you have taken a tooth out... the pain has gone."

Sharon Grant, chair of the Commission for Patient and Public Involvement in Health, which commissioned the survey, said: "These findings indicate that the NHS dental system is letting many patients down very badly.

"Where NHS dental services are available, people are happy with the quality of treatment provided but many find the NHS fee system confusing and expensive, with some patients taking out loans to pay for treatment or more worryingly taking matters into their own hands."

On The Issue of Robot Attacks, Mr. Giuliani Frowned and Replied, "No, We Are Not Prepared For That."

The Disgruntleds

I'm having a pretty frustrating and long week, so this seemed as good a time as any to initiate a new semi-weekly/monthly feature: The Disgruntleds. This, simply, is a list of the things disgruntling me right now. Feel free to add your own in the comments.

1.) Crocs. They look ok on kids, but pretentious and stupid on adults. As I told the Disgruntled Girlfriend yesterday, I'm not gay, but some of those color combos have just (snap) got (snap) to (snap) go. Mmm-hmmm...

2.) People talking into their cell phones like they were walkie-talkies. You don't look cool, asshole. And your phone is not a walkie-talkie.

3.) Walkie-talkie cell phones.

4.) When co-workers (like my boss, who's office is next to mine) dial using their speaker phone, then when the other person says, audibly, "Hello?" the co-worker (or boss) picks up the phone and starts using it normally. What the fuck is the point of doing that?

5.) "Bro"/"Brah"

6.) The New York Times

7.) Fantasy football weeks ruined by "game-time decisions" (conversely, accurately predicting these decisions makes me less disgruntled)

8.) Robot marriages?

9.) Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, and his body odor

10.) Goddamn fucking real estate

Have a disgruntled day!!

P.S. Look who just turned 18!!

I'll Take A Hundred of Your Finest Diamonds, Please.

It's been a few days since I've posted anything, but, really, there hasn't been anything interesting to post. And, the last thing I want to do is bore my two readers.

However, I logged on to CNN.com today, and this was the screenshot that immediately popped up. Note the diamond ad on the right.



I'm pretty sure that's two attractive females making out. Now that's marketing!

In other news, Tom Cruise is building an underground bunker for when "deposed galactic ruler" Xenu attacks the Earth.

Fed Lowers Key Rate 1/2 Point

So I'm expecting buyers to start lining up to bid on my house(s) at approximately 6 AM this Saturday. That's the only logical outcome, right?

In other (related) news, as a further example of things that can only happen to me - one of my tenants at the first house caught a pan on fire (grease fire), and decided to take it outside. Not a terrible idea, but he laid the pan down on the RELATIVELY NEW HARDWOOD FLOOR in the foyer in order to open the front door. I hope to have a picture to put up of the "Ring of Fire" that's now on the floor. It's pan-size.

Gee!!!

Way To Keep An Open Mind, Barry (P.S. Your Music Sucks)

P.P.S. Elisabeth Hasselbeck is an attractive female.


From TMZ.com:

Barry to Elisabeth: Your "View" is Dangerous

UPDATE: A source tells TMZ that it's not Barry who's writing this song -- in fact, "View" producers pulled the plug on Manilow's performance when his people demanded that he appear on the show without Elisabeth. Manilow has in fact performed on the show twice before -- both last year -- when Hasselbeck's been co-hosting.

TMZ has learned that legendary singer Barry Manilow has pulled out of his scheduled appearance on "The View" tomorrow -- because he strongly disagrees with host Elisabeth Hasselbeck's conservative view! Paging Rosie O'Donnell!

In an exclusive statement to TMZ, Barry says, "I strongly disagree with her views. I think she's dangerous and offensive. I will not be on the same stage with her."

Update

In case any of you wanted an update on my real estate situation, here it is:

(sound of crickets chirping)

Ok, basically the markets gone up slightly in the neighborhood of the house I tried to sell earlier this year, and down slightly in the neighborhood of the house I tried to sell last year. This is actually alright, since I'd rather get rid of the house I tried to sell this year anyway.

Mortgage rates are dropping, and the hot rumor (or rumour) is that Bernanke is going to drop the federal funds rate this month, which would obviously lower the mortgage rates even more and, hopefully, inspire some kind of confidence in a rebound.

But, other than that, things still suck, and I'm still just waiting. Stupid real estate.

100

In terms of overall hipness, I would rate myself somewhere between Danny Tanner and Mr. Bean. That is to say, not very.

No one who knows me personally would disagree with this contention, but I am trying to keep up with the kids these days. I'm trying to you tubes, listening to eye pods (actually no I'm not, more on this in a bit), and think that these Seinfeld guys might be on to something.

In all seriousness, though, occasionally I'll come across some show (ex. Lost), band (ex. Spoon), or idea (ex. real estate investing) that everyone else had already caught onto years before. Often, the thing has already run its course in the national psyche, and I'm too late (coughrealestateinvestingcough).

Typical conversation:

Me: Holy crap, I just came across this Michael Jackson album, Thriller - dude how did I not know about this? This guy's gonna be hot!!

Guy at Bus Stop: ......(walks across street)

[Quick side note: According to Wikipedia, in 1982 Michael Jackson recorded a storybook version of ET: The Extra-Terrestrial, which featured him reading the book and also performing a song called "Someone In The Dark." Yikes. This album went on to win a Grammy for, "Best Album for Children." Double Yikes.]

Anyway, I note this because I just came across this band, Feist, which is I guess the solo project of a Canadian chick named Leslie Feist, who's been in several indie bands. How I came across her is that Apple Ipod commercial for the new Nanos, where as her video for "1234" is playing, someone keeps replacing the Nanos with different color Nanos. Now, for some unexplainable reason, I have this disdain for all things Apple. I don't own a Mac, an IPhone (totally unnecessary, and fuck having to switch to Cingular), or an IPod (I have the Dell knockoff!!) Maybe I don't like their business practices, their pricing practices, Steve Jobs, or their normally slam my head in the wall annoying ads. Maybe it's because I kept starving or getting dysentery on Oregon Trail on the Macs in our computer lab in 4th grade. Whatever the reason, with the exception of their superiority in computer graphic design and movie-making, I see no reason to buy an Apple product. Anyway.

So, Feist. That "1234" song is definitely catchy, and Feist herself seemed pretty girl-next-door sexy, so I decided to check them out. Gotta say, I'm a big fan. I'm aware that 99.99% of the rest of the world probably knows who they are, but (see above), I'm just now catching on.

Here's the "1234" video (sans Nano), which is pretty awesome. Not funny, just awesome. And catchy.



Also, check out their Letterman performance here, and their Jimmy Kimmel performance here (on a bus!!) Turns out they're good live too!

That's Not Stuff, Meredith...

So it's Wednesday, and with my 99th Disgruntled Post, I am putting up a video of this commercial, which for some reason (can't explain why) is the funniest thing I've seen in a while. In it, a Kelsey Grammer look-alike explains to a Matthew McConaughey look-alike that, given time, his Oreo Pizza moustache will grow to be as full as his. Is this the best commercial I've ever seen? I think so...I know so.

Please Hammer, Don't Disgruntle Them...

Last Thursday, at approximately 9:02 PM, I gave M.C. Hammer a pat on the back.

I had been checking out the Washington Post online, scrolling past their "news" ("Sen. Larry Craig blows a hyena in the high desert of Idaho") to get to the Sports section (which is very good). As I clicked on the Sports section, I caught a quick glimpse of a picture on the left hand side of M.C. Hammer, under the "City Guide - Going Out Guide" section. Confused, intrigued, and convinced I read it wrong, I clicked back on my browser, and clicked on the City Guide.

"M.C. Hammer, still Too Legit To Quit, in a FREE show at the Woodrow Wilson Center"

Holy shit! M.C. Hammer?!?! FREE?!?!?!

(Now understand - it was the combination of those two things that made me excited. While I had once paid $35 to see Vanilla Ice at the House of Blues in Myrtle Beach, I'm not sure I'd shell that out for the Rev. Hammer.)

I called the Disgruntled Girlfriend, who exclaimed, "That's awesome!" Apparently, I didn't need to ask her thoughts on going. She also mused, "I wonder what kind of people are going to show up to this thing. Probably 1/3 hardcore fans, 1/3 people like us going for the nostalgia/kitch factor, and 1/3 religious fanatics hoping he plays nothing but gospel." That was a good point - we couldn't figure out if M.C Hammer or Rev. Hammer was going to show up.

So we arrived at the show, which was held outdoors, about an hour early. Our thought was, I mean, it's M.C. FUCKING HAMMER, so it'll get real packed real quick.

Then we saw that we were one of about 10 people there. So we went across the street and grabbed a couple of beers.

By the time we got back, it had picked up a bit, but was still sparser than I thought. I began to think, "Damn, this is really embarassing for the man who married Corey Feldman to his current wife." But the square soon filled up nicely with people, and my worries proved unfounded.

After a strange African-American Spice Girls opening act, and after an unfortunately long delay (during which time some shitty DJ from WPGC named "Shaq in the Pack" apparently thought we were all there to see him), the man, the legend, the Hammer came out on stage. He was looking gangsta-hard (think "The Funky Headhunters").




He kicked out all the classics (it was M.C., not Rev. Hammer, in action): Too Legit, Pumps and a Bump (the second song he did!!), Can't Touch This, Pray, Oaktown, and some old school Hammer tracks from his first album like Turn This Mutha Out. He did the Hammer dance, and he and his backup dancers showed they still had the same early 90's moves that made him famous. At one point (before "Pray"), he devised a solution to the Middle East crisis ("You've got to pray, just to end all the socioeconomic concerns and fanatical Islamic rhetoric that is fueling a general hatred of the West and leading to suicide bombings, homicide bombings, and a general instability in the region...today.") He did not wear "Hammer pants," but they were relatively baggy and gave much the same effect. And we were like 10 feet away from him. Awesome.



Finally, he ended his show by coming out into the audience. It was at this point that two things happened:

1.) I forgot to turn my flash back on my camera, leading to several blurry pictures of Hammer 2 inches in front of me;

2.) I patted Hammer on his sweaty back.

It's not often that something comes along that is so monumentally can't miss that you...well...can't miss it. The free M.C. Hammer show last Thursday was just such an event. Surreal, high-energy, and too legit to quit. Here comes the Hammer.



(By the way, if these pictures come out dark on your computer, just adjust the brightness - it looks great on my home computer, not great on my work computer. Trust me, it's worth it to see Gangsta Hammer in action.)